When ADD Tells You Everyone Hates You (Even When They Don’t)
Let me just say this: I truly believe ADD is a superpower. It gives us creativity, energy, wild ideas, and the ability to hyperfocus like a laser when we’re in the zone. But there’s another side to it, a darker, quieter, heavier side that most people don’t talk about. That’s what I want to unpack today.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about loneliness. Not just the "I haven’t seen anyone in a few days" kind, but the deeper, more emotional kind. The kind that whispers to you that no one really likes you. That you’re too much, or not enough, or that everyone’s silently walking away and just forgot to tell you.
It sounds dramatic. Maybe it is. But I know I’m not the only one who feels this.
Here’s how it plays out for me. Every few weeks, maybe five to seven days out of the month, I get into this antisocial mode. I retreat. Not just physically, but emotionally. I stop replying to texts, even when people are reaching out. I stop showing up the way I usually do. And in that silence, my mind starts spinning stories.
If I haven’t heard from someone in a couple days, 72 hours give or take, I immediately assume they’re done with me. That they’re annoyed. That I said or did something wrong. That they’re ghosting me, slowly pulling away. My brain doesn’t leave room for the possibility that people are just living their lives.
Instead of asking, I spiral.
And then, to protect myself from the rejection I’ve just imagined, I go full defense mode. I convince myself I didn’t need them anyway. I tell myself I’m better off alone. I build a mental wall and shut the door.
The wild part? I’ll be sitting there thinking, “Man, I wish I had friends who wanted to go to lunch or hang out,” while my phone has a dozen unread messages from people trying to do exactly that.
It’s so clearly irrational when I say it out loud, but in the moment, it feels real.
From what I’ve learned, this isn't uncommon for people with ADD. There’s something called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), a common but lesser-known part of ADD where emotional reactions to perceived rejection are intense and overwhelming. It’s like a magnifying glass over every small social cue. A delayed text feels like a breakup. A missed call feels like abandonment.
One little thing, like a friend canceling plans or someone being short in a message, or a technical issue while trying to do something important, can blow up my whole day. It’s like emotional quicksand. And the hardest part is, I usually know it’s not logical. But the feelings don’t care.
Then comes the second part, what I call productivity paralysis. It hits around the same time as the antisocial feelings. I’ll sit down to do something simple, like reply to an email, record a video, or send a text, and my brain just freezes.
It’s not that I don’t want to do it. It’s that I can’t. My body resists. My energy is gone. I feel like I’m underwater. So I procrastinate. I avoid. I overthink. And then the guilt starts piling up, which only feeds the paralysis.
This week, for example, I had plans to record a video for something important. I pushed it off for days, not because I didn’t care, but because I was stuck in that invisible mental fog. And then I beat myself up for not doing it. It’s a cycle.
Here’s the confusing part. I’ll be going through all this while still having an active social life. I went to softball the other day, had dinner with friends, hung out earlier in the week, so why do I feel so disconnected?
Because feeling alone doesn’t always mean being alone. You can be surrounded by people and still feel completely unseen. Or worse, convinced that they don’t really want you there.
And that’s the lie ADD can tell us. That we’re not enough. That we’re too much. That we’re being left out, even when we’re invited in.
Honestly, I don’t have all the answers. I’m still figuring it out. But I’ve learned to do a few things that help:
Pause and question the story. Just because I feel rejected doesn’t mean I am. Sometimes I literally have to say out loud, “This isn’t real.”
Reach out, even when I don’t want to. A simple message like, “Hey, I’m in a weird headspace but thinking of you,” can stop the spiral.
Be honest about the cycle. Talking about it, like I’m doing now, helps. Because shame thrives in silence.
Remind myself of the facts. I have friends. People do care. Not replying for a few days doesn’t mean I’m forgotten.
If any of this resonates with you, just know you’re not crazy, and you’re not alone. These emotional highs and lows aren’t a flaw. They’re part of the wiring. And while ADD may give us days where we feel like we’re drowning in our own heads, it also gives us the ability to bounce back stronger than most people ever could.
So no, everyone doesn’t hate you. Your brain is just being a little dramatic right now. And that's okay. You’re still loved, still worthy, still here.
Feeling this too?
You’re not alone. If you’re navigating the mental and emotional rollercoaster of ADD and want help turning it into your personal superpower, let’s talk. Book a 1-on-1 session with me at www.growwithaustin.com.
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